Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated
There aren’t any good single men in New York City. That’s the way it is. everybody is telling us. And when Deanna* relocated to the city towards the end of 2021 it was her turn to check if there was any truth to this assertion. A new single woman after the boyfriend she had been with for three years separated from her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. Around this time that a private group on Facebook known as Are You Dating the same Guy NYC appeared as a recommended follow. It had a rigorous prescreen survey and community guidelines which served as a barrier to entry. It also had at 43,000 active members. Deanna was interested, so she enrolled.
The community
The group was formed with the goal to help women determine if they were dating another person-was launched in March 2022. Nearly every major US city is home to a similar group and the rules for everyone are simple: Everyone is allowed to post anonymously. There is no censorship or releasing sensitive information and in no way can screenshots be taken away from the group. No bullying, no victim blaming and no hate speech. Never inform a man that he’s been included in the group. Following the scandal in the wake of West Elm Caleb, a man with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections on the internet, it appeared that a lot of women were searching for a method to search out others who had similar experiences to.read about it datingfortodaysman.com from Our Articles As one TikTok user was saying on the subject This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is essentially what the group had turned into in the year Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy is a common area for women seeking romance advice or offer warnings about men with who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, it’s the act of contacting them other women to attract them on social media has also become a common practice. It’s not difficult for a person to fall into a down a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, tales of a failed hookup, and memes that discuss the problems of modern day dating. Many of the most popular posts consist of photos of a guy with his initials, requesting if anybody has matched with or dated the individual that is being asked about. The emojis in red are a common display on small but alarming posts that warn the audience of an ex-partner or bad experience, often accompanied with the downward arrow as well as the alarming phrases See comments for more info.
The popularity of online dating has been a major factor in our prospects in recent years and a recent study revealing that around 39 percent of heterosexual couples found their loved ones online. It’s therefore natural that the romantic element of romance could be adapted to the modern age. Instead, of sitting with group of friends over a drink or venting with colleagues, we’re seeking advice from 43,000 women who are going through similar and, sometimes even the exact same experience.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie * another group member. Not to say that there’s not certain privileges however it was useful for me to reframe my view of dating. There’s no competition between women but it is holding males to a higher standards than what I was used to before.
It’s not lost on me, however, that some of the behavior which is promoted and facilitated through Are We the Dating the Same Guy can be cause for concern if exhibited by prospective suitors. Photos, private conversations, and screenshots posted without the permission of the other person or knowledge are a plethora of. People dig up social media profiles on a frequent basis. And it’s not that difficult for a potential date to be to be the center of attention. Even though Deanna is a fan of being part of the group, she has some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she says. But I’m guessing that you’ll come across the problem that it’s a echo chamber of ‘Men’s kept pushing us for so long, we’re going to take it back.
Today, we live in an unjust society
We live in the patriarchal system, and until we’re truly equal the online interactions will be different depending on the person’s history. But, can a community like this really have empowered in a positive way on one side of the coin and deplorable atrocity in the name of God on the other? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? It’s hyperlocal and interpersonal-only really useful for people who live and meet in the town the group is located in. The women and men they post about can be your neighbor, coworker, friend, family member, or even your most current Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization that is a result of operating on the internet, making it feel like playing being a game. It’s no stretch for me to say this is in opposition to the dates involved in both groups, especially when details about private interactions, conversations including photos, are being shared without their information or consent. Often, this is for pure entertainment.